The Importance of Eating Earnestly (IC)

[Avaerilon]

"Her Royal Highness, Crown Princess Ārohi of the Jasminia Islands, and His Grace Patriarch Garrett van de Polder VI"

"Excuse me, sirs." Aubrey strode towards the new arrivals, and stopped before them. Diego Valaquial finished presenting himself to the other guests, and stepped aside as Aubrey appeared. Crossing his left arm over his chest, he bowed low to Garrett. "Your grace, cad yn crysso yn fy hendag yn ērod ('be welcome in my home forever'). This is indeed a pleasure." "Your Royal Majesty," said Garrett, bowing and proffering his hand, "I am honoured and pleased to make your acquaintance, sire." The two men shook hands warmly, and then Aubrey turned to his fellow monarch.

"O, Regnerach," he said, kneeling on one leg and bowing low, both hands crossed over his chest. "Aplenelym cīr yr ennynaesol yn ech llīadol, ad hewest yn ech ffirren, ad yr īthilelīion nerna'ch hoss yn ērod ('May you have the sunset in your eyes, and breeze in your hair, and the stars with your gaze forever')."

[Newhalla]

vad Geldmorhen turned to meet the man. "No not at all". He stretched his hand. "Eiphyr vad Geldmorhen and you must be?"

[Chameliya]

"Āphno ānanda mā bāṉchna ra tapāiṉ jōgāuna sakchha (May your joy live on and preserve you)," responded Ārohi.  She bent down, kneeling, and kissed the ground at King Aubrey's feet.  Getting up she said, "The pleasure is all mine, were I just to catch a glimpse of your beautiful nation, it'd be enough."

[Free Newdepolderian States]

"Maarten van Rijn. It is a pleasure to meet you, sir." said he, grasping Vad Geldmorhen's hand tightly. "I must say, this is quite an event."

---

Garrett smiled widely "I must say, your majesty, this is a beautiful estate. I only caught a glimpse of the gardens on the way in, but what I could see was warrant enough for me to want to meet the gardener." he fingered his prayer beads nervously as he spoke, trying not to show how anxious he felt. He had no idea why he was feeling so anxious. After all, he had done this type of thing a thousand times before. He glanced at his hands. They were shaking slightly. Why am I doing this? Come on. Lets just do this normal, eh? No need for social anxiety. Conquered that long ago. Stop shaking. he thought as he spoke.

[Goncar]

"Well I see we have missed a lot. We were just walking around admiring the estate." The Director enters with he Minister right behind him.

[Avaerilon]

"Your Highness, you do me a great honour." Aubrey offered his hand, which the Crown Princess duly presented, and planted a small kiss upon it. "Your Highness and Your Excellency, you are both most kind," replied Aubrey. "We have God and Gods to thank for the landscape which we are fortunate to have. Ah yes, my gardener, a Mr. Bothyl, is a most skilled man. I can claim to have plated the new rose bushes myself, but he is the master of this domain, and quite the artist, though previous owners of this estate have been careful too."

He smiled at the two great persons before him, and then subtly motioned the bartender. "You both are surely in need of some refreshment? We have everything from mint tea to old wines, and I would be honoured to see you reinvigorated. Come, let us sit down and relax together. Your Grace, I do hope to practice my Dutch with you at some stage; perhaps you would be game to do so soon? And Highness, I must ask if our meagre guest room is adequate; I am aware it is a smaller room than some of the others, though I felt it's commanding view of the lake might have pleased you."

[Chameliya]

"As if you had known me ever since! I could not have asked for a better room. The way the lake glistens reminds me of the warm waters of my own home. Yes, I think I will excuse myself and find a refreshment and leave you two boys to your Dutch," she smiled wryly and with a little curtsey, she left the Dragonheart and the Patriarch. "Don't have too much fun without me!" they faintly heard her say as she drifted away.

[Ceni]

After a delicious meal at one of the finest restaurants in Minas Avalon, Minister of Foreign Affairs, Obiid Valtan, looked nervously at his watch. "Oh my!" he exclaimed. "Let's get to the palace before we're late!" With that, he hurried to the waiting car. When he arrived at the palace, he breathed a sigh of relief. "We're not too late." He then strolled through the gardens, admiring the flowers, and made his way to the entrance of the gate. Before leaving, President Kyn Tucin had briefed him on what Ceni's goals for the dinner would be. Along with improving relations with Ceni's neighbors, the nation would try and gain economic ties to as many nations as possible, especially through air routes. When Valtan reached the door of the palace, he asked the guard, "Where my I find the King?" The guard replied, in a gruff voice, "He is in the drawing room." Valtan then proceeded there.

[Deleted]

Diego walked up to Valtan. "Hello! How's it going in Ceni?"

[Chameliya]

The Crown Princess had found her way to the bar. In front of her were rows of hundreds of glass bottles full of liquors and elixirs, all in fantastic colours. The bartender was quick to serve her.
"What takes Her Majesty's fancy?"
"Ooh, I really have no idea, they all look divine. Perhaps something a little fruity to start the evening with."
"Certainly ma'am.". The bartender looked through the bottles searching for a drink for the Crown Princess. He knew each drink like a librarian knows their books. Every now and then he would pick up a bottle only to put it down again and continue searching. It really was an art. Finally, he produced with an air of satisfaction a slender crystal vial.
"I believe that this will be right up your street ma'am," he grinned pouring the deep green beverage into a champagne flute. He handed it over to the Crown Princess who took a sip.
She liked it. "This is simply sublime, what is it?"
The bartender beamed and said something in Avaerilonian that she couldn't make out, "It's made from aloe vera, and it's very slightly alcoholic."
"Very naughty!" she laughed, "Well it is a special occasion."

[Newhalla]

"Its enough i suppose. But lets make our way to the bartender for some strong drink shall we? To harden the senses."

[Deleted]

Diego walks to the bartender. "I'd like a fruity drink, with little to no alcohol so I don't start a war with Anaaxes, please. The bartender looks through the shelves until he finally finds one. "This one is an excellent refresher", the bartender says.

[Northern Inertia]

Having inspected the plentiful snacks on offer, President Oestrond made his way over to the bar, where he joined the Crown Princess, who was visibly enjoying the drink she had just been served.
”Your Highness, it is an honour to finally meet you. I have heard so much about you and your beautiful country. Please – allow me to introduce myself: Frederic Oestrond, most humbly at your service.”
”The pleasure is entirely mine, I assure you, sir. Now pray tell me: have you ever seen grounds as lovely as these ones? The King himself is much involved in the landscaping, I hear,” the Princess replied.
”Indeed? That man is truly full of suprises! It wouldn't shock me if he were a wizard, too!”

[Avaerilon]

"...en dan, ik was op vacancie met mijn moeder in Regedsland, voor twee weken-"

"His Honour Minister Valtan of Ceni."

Aubrey paused halfway-through an animated conversation in Dutch with the Patriach, who was kindly obliging the King's desire to practice his languages, and excused himself apologetically. He extended his arms in greetings to the smartly-dressed Cenian man making his way towards him. "A, crysso, Brendolyr Valtan, nerna algaselīon ethol ern ech med ('Ah, welcome, Minister Valtan, with warm winds upon your back')." He extended his arm over his chest and bowed, before proffering his hand.

---

"Ah, Your Highness!" Ridcully, seeking a tipple to refresh himself, made his way over to the bar, and bowed regally. "And Mr. President; indeed an honour, sir." The wizard bowed his head again. "All this conversing and diplomatic whatnot, eh? Makes one very thirsty. Indeed, yes" he waggled his fingers at Marc, who knowingly uncorked a bottle, which appeared to be made of very thick glass and encased in lead. The fine, golden-green liquid that came out caused the glass to sing ever so slightly, and an errant drop caused the marble bar to smoke. "Oh, just a bit of scumble," said Ridcully benignly, noting the look of bewilderment on the faces of the guests. "Made in Lancyr, just south-west out of Avalon. My own part of the world, so to speak; nothing like a bit of good mountain air, honest food and folk, and drink to bring the dead back from the living- or was it the living back from the dead...? Anyway, good health and blessings to you both!"

He took a long swig of the drink, and exhaled with refreshment. "Er, Archchancellor," said the President, bemusedly. "What exactly is scumble?" "Well, it's... hhmmm... to explain it to a foreign guest... well sir, it's more than cider. Much ore, in fact. By about 45%, I believe... good for cleaning silverware, though!" He laughed pleasantly, drinking the stuff as if it were water. "Mark of a good wizard you know, being able to drink this without collapsing!"

The heads of state nodded as if in a trance. "...we-ell," said the Crown Princess, slowly. "does His Majesty drink... scumble?" "Oh, not usually." She smiled knowingly and nodded at Oestrond, who smiled back. "Of course, as a wizard, he's more keen to the finer things, especially brandy. Now, if your highness will please pardon e, I must waylay Vetinari about summin' the man said earlier about hobgoblins showin' up in Anc again..." The great man sauntered off merrily, leaving the guests open mouthed. Oestornd took a rave sniff of the glass Ridcully had left, and nearly passed-out.

"... so... His Majesty is a wizard?" "And he can drink THAT?!"

[United Democracy of Scientists]

It was then that representative Dyson woke up from his sleep. He had last remembered sitting down in a chair after talking to the Anaaxi representatives about embassies, and then must have promptly dozed off. Cursing his terrible biological clock, he promptly got up and began to walk towards the bar. Sitting down, he took note of the potent liquor Ridcully was downing.

He thinks he knows ethanol better than me? We'll see, he thought to himself.

Dyson ordered his own glass of scrumble. 

"Archchancellor, forget those who would doubt the skillfulness of a drinker of such potent spirits. Let us enjoy the finer things in life!" 

[Goncar]

The Director and the Minister return from their viewing of the entire estate and proceed into the drawing room.
"Oh, look! The Cenian representatives have arrived and the Jasminian Princess is over there. Wow, it's very diverse here." The Director proceeds to meet with Obiid Valtan.

"How do you do sir?" He asks.

[Avaerilon]

"Ah, capital! Allow me to get... ah, there, another one for myself... hehehe, damned fine one this; think it must be one of Ogg's vintages... maybe the '97...? No matter, old chap!" He beamed convivially. "Down the hatch!"

Ridcully looked up from his empty glass. Dyson was starting to sweat a little, and his eyes watering.

"I say, you all right there, sir?" "Oh... ahh... oh... yes, just... the air, you know, in these old houses, hahahahahaha... oh. Apples, is it?" "Yes. Well, mostly apples in scumble, aye." "Oh good," managed Dyson, biting his lip and managing to swallow some of the grog.

[United Democracy of Scientists]

The increasingly intoxicated Dyson was in truth loving every sip of the foul beverage. He had been handling chemicals far more nasty than ethanol for nearly his entire life. His entire facade of acting horrified by the drink was a drunken idea that he had conceived back in his twenties, and he had used it on almost every occasion since.

"Tell you what... let's play a game. Bartender, top us off, will you?"

With both men with filled glasses of scrumble, Dyson presented his challenge.

"First one to not wish for another glass wins!"

[Avaerilon]

Ridcully burped quietly. "I say, what are you getting at, my good fellow?"

[United Democracy of Scientists]

"I'm getting at a good time sir," Dyson said as he swirled the contents of his glass.

[Avaerilon]

"Well in that case, the moon in your eye and mud up yo- er, on your shoes, Representative!" Ridcully poured the mixture down his throat in a scant few seconds, a slight haze beginning to creep into his vision.

[Deleted]

"Now, now, no need to get too drunk and start a war or something," advised Diego.

[United Democracy of Scientists]

Loosening up the muscles in his gullet, Dyson reciprocated Ridcully's action, starting to feel a buzzing feeling in his extremities. The bartender had been standing at ready, and promptly replenished their drinking vessels. Bystanders were beginning to watch out of shock and amusement at the impromptu drinking contest taking place at such a formal dinner.

[Anaaxes]

President Blatchford pops up and says, "My Senate has already voted to declare war." Diego looks shocked. "He's just kidding, he's had a little too much martinis tonight," Ms. Pearson says with an embarrassed look.

[Avaerilon]

"Nonsense, sir, I am a wizard, and thoroughly... excuse me, thoroughly capable of remainin' sobre enough not to do somethin' rash. Speaking of which, hehehe, one can catch a nasty rash from drinkin' too much scumble if they're not used to the damn stuff;" Ridcully turned to Dyson. "got a cream for that, unopened and all, if... you know... you get any spots, old chap."

---

Vetinari and Aubrey gazed with looks of tired interest. "It seems the Archchancellor and Representative Dyson have engaged in a spot of drinking for sport, my liege." "Yes, and Mustrum's already mentioned the spots. That'd either a very good sign, or..." "Or what, my king?" "... a bad one. I can't have these fellows pulling on God's own sink-unblocker; that kind of thing makes people avoid a place." "And catch a rash, so I understand. Shall i create a distraction, sire?" "No, no, Havelock. If things get sticky, I have an ace up my sleeve." "Would His Majesty care to share the plan?" Aubrey tapped his nose. "Oh, I wouldn't want to spoil anything by telling." 

As they watched, the two men continued to sample the damn stuff. 

[Deleted]

"Now excuse me, President Blatchford, but you don't go to a diplomatic dinner to start a war!" exclaimed Diego.

[Goncar]

"Sometimes in Goncar, that's how diplomatic dinners end," pitches The Director.

[Deleted]

"Could you please try to help maintain SLUan stability?" Diego whispered into the Director's ear.

[United Democracy of Scientists]

Dyson downed the next glass, followed within a millisecond by the Archchancellor. He noted that his throat was starting to become lightly irritated, much like it had become when he had got his water bottle mixed up with the glacial acetic acid in his lab years ago. After this much of the fluid, he was having trouble keeping balanced.

"Bartender... more *hic*... please," Dyson grunted out, not taking his eye off of his drinking rival.

[Avaerilon]

Vetinari rolled his eyes. "I feel, sire, your plan is best put-into effect now." Aubrey winked at the Patrician, and strode forward.

"Good sirs, you are well-matched and surely unable to go any further without spoiling your appetite!” Aubrey announced, extending his arms friendlily. “But my liege, this stuff’s hardly me effecin’… or was I…” “Yesh, noble sirrrr, no arms done and all sir.”


The young monarch gazed at them under his dark eyebrows. “I can see only one alternative. Marc?”

“My king?” “Bring me the ’91. And not a glass, please, the whole bottle.”

“But my liege-“ “No Marc, it is time to move onto other matters, and lest we descend into a tavern scene, I should like to be the one to end the matter.”


The bartender nervously took a dust-covered bottle from a lower cabinet, holding it carefully as if it might explode. The atmosphere was laden with awe and a little electrical excitement. Marc slowly, and with great precision, uncorked the great bottle, it’s old stone stopper fizzing as the fumes shot up into the air, nearly incapacitating the barman. Nevertheless, he walked over to the king, and gave him the bottle. Vetinari watched, an expression of puzzlement and surprise on his face. “My king,” began Iago “I can hardly recommend-“ Aubrey held up his hand, and then raised the bottle in the air, the light barely penetrating the thick, clouded glass.


He upended it into his throat, vapour pouring from the bottle like fog rolling down a hill, a subtle sizzling noise like bacon in an oven becoming apparent. After 20 seconds, the bottle was empty. Aubrey looked up at his guests, who were stone-struck in fear and apprehension. Aubrey looked up at the ceiling, and it seemed as if he would reel over and fall- the attendants surged forward-


And he performed a somersault, and shot a torrent of flame from his mouth through his fingers. The crowd gasped. The king then produced a single Aub from his pinched fingers where the fire had roared, and tossed it into the air. The onlookers couldn't help but cheer and clap, and the two men once drinking took a good look at each other, their own glasses, and decided to order iced water instead, feeling both a little silly and a little relieved they didn't have to drink any more scumble.


With the guests coming up to him to see the coin and shake his hand, and also wonder at his staying ability in the face of lethal dose of alcohol, Aubrey smiled warmly and stated “it was mere royal résistance” that helped him finish the bottle.


Vetinari whispered to him: “What really happened, sire?”


“Nothing. I drank the contents of the bottle, and used them to make a flame effect.”


“But surely the alcohol would have kill-
"

“The bottle contained water; I like to keep a bottle of it disguised as liquor around the place.”


"But the vapour... magic?"

Aubrey grinned.

Vetinari looked on with steel admiration as the young man talked animatedly with his guests. The two older men were damned quiet., unaware of the trick Aubrey had pulled.